yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
