I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
