Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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