she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it glows. i had to have it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You left your phone here
Wait...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
