nut hugger
we have pet lesbian snakes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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