dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
