dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
