Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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