how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I love you.
Bad choice
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
