TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
