no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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