Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
