Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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