at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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