Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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