This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
