So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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