If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
