areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
