go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
