we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
