Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
