I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
