I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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