Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
