If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
