did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
