I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
