i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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