Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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