She said her name was "party"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
