4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
