I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize