Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
