We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
