my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
