I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
