you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
