atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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