How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
