Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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