she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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