fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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