I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
