I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
sarcasm needs its own font
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
