apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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