it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you will always have a special place in my vag
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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