A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
