She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
