All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
