Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize