WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
