His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Life is so much better after having sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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