no. you can't hotbox the world.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
