dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
