Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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