a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
