hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
