HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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