The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
