P.S. I can't hear my feet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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