Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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