You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
