Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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