dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
