the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
