Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
