So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
