At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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