happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
