I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
