a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
