He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
