just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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