Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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