i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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