btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
