His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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