I'll bet she douches with gravy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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