we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize