a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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