tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
