if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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