I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
