how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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