well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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