My friends, they love my intelligence
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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