Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
