So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
