dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
