I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
