Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
