U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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