youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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