It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
