i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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