we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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