I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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