Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
