So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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