if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
