if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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