No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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