he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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