yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
