Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
