I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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